I didn't go to the beach. I paced from about midnight to 2am thinking about what I was going to do. I made pros and cons for each location. And it simply boiled down to, I am a single income family. I need to live within my means. The larger house on paper looks great, I can do the mortgage and all the bills associated with it with just my income. But I had a backup if something happened, Dad received almost as much SSD as I did in regular pay a month. So I had that for the what ifs.
I woke my Mom up at 2am and talked to her about an hour about it. After talking to her about everything, I 100% made the decision to move back to my house. The big house doesn't feel like mine. I've not done anything to claim it. When I moved out of the small house, I cried because I was so sad to leave it. The fact it was empty for almost a year and rented for 6 months (my renter did the first time home buyers thing) and I just couldn't bring myself to list it - says a lot.
The heaviness that has been crushing me is gone. I slept last night for the first time. I am still horribly sad my Dad is gone, but I am functional now. My Mom said I smiled today for the first time since Oct 5th. And my decision to get off my a$$ and work on both houses instead of going to the beach to cry I think says a lot.
I've made an extensive plan on how I'll transition. I am not sure how long it will all take, 2 weeks, 2 months - who knows. The list started today. I was able to purchase 6 gallons of high end discontinued/oops paint at Sherman Williams for $38 (antique white and white, can't beat that). 4 gallons are for the large house, 2 are for the little one. I picked out carpet for the den in the larger house (I am not going to buy hardwood for someone else kwim?) and I picked out carpet for the front bedroom of the little house that will be the playroom. I made arrangements with my step sister to pick up her Mom's furniture (6 pretty big pieces) and scheduled John to work on both houses.
Tomorrow, I'll keep going down the checklist.
Bye for now, thanks for reading.